Topic Of The Day: That Beautiful Thing Called Sleep

I have been having such a hard time sleeping since my second son was born five and a half weeks ago. I feel like a zombie! No matter how much sleep I get, whether it’s 3 hours or 12, yes it’s happened thanks to my husband, I am just walking around here half asleep. So, I decided that if I’m going to be starting this new program, that the best time to do it, to make sure I get it in every single day, would be before everyone wakes up. (What was I thinking??) So since Monday, I’ve been trying my best to go to bed at 10am and wake up at 5am. Have I had any luck? Well…. Some. Monday, I did awful. Darn Netflix! Maybe it was a bad idea to start this when I was at the very end of a tv series. See, I was all set to shut off the tv when the episode was over (with 3 more left) but then something crazy shocking happened and I started bawling, (I’m a very emotional person, lol) and I just couldn’t stop watching! I finished the rest of the series that night.

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I think it was close to midnight when my head finally hit the pillow, when my newborn woke up and wanted to eat. By the time I finally got him changed, fed, and back to sleep, it was around 2am and I was wide awake. (Insomnia, anyone?) I decided it would be best to stay up until 5am and get up and start my day like I had originally planned. Then by 10pm that night, I was sure to be exhausted and it would be no problem going to sleep, right. Not. I’ve been trying my best the rest of this week to wake up, do some yoga in place of Insanity, just to warm up a little, and get the rest of my day started. But, I’m not much of a morning person. I’ll get there. Fingers crossed, anyway.

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Weigh In And Another Recipe

Weekly Weigh-In Day!
I have lost another 3.5 pounds this week, which means I’m out of the 300’s! 299, baby!! I will NEVER see that 3 in the front there again. This week has gone great and it has been all about the food. I have tried a few new recipes again this week including Southwest Tilapia and Roasted Shrimp Over Spaghetti Squash. One was a hit, the other, not so much. Spaghetti squash is just not for us. Maybe I just need more practice with it? Anyway, I will post the recipe for the Southwest Tilapia at the bottom of this post.

We are now 4 days away from my first taste of Shakeology and my first Insanity workout and I am beyond excited! You’d think someone who’s been fat their whole life would be terrified to start such an intense workout routine (I’m a little worried about pushing myself too hard since I just had a baby) but I am just so ecstatic to be starting a new life. I’m completely sick of the old me and I’m glad to be getting rid of her! Lol. The bad parts of her anyway. This new me is going to be more energetic and just so much more fun! I’m welcoming this new chapter in my life with open arms and shoving the old chapter out the door. Haha. Gosh, can you even tell I’m excited? =D

Southwest Tilapia

tilapia

Photo and recipe from http://www.heandsheeatclean.com/

Ingredients:

2 (6 – ounce fillets)
1 tbsp olive oil
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1 lime

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
2. In a small bowl mix spices together.
3. Drizzle each fillet with olive oil.
4. Sprinkle each fillet with the mixture of spices.
5. Squeeze lime juice over the fillets.
6. Flip the fillets over & repeat steps 3-5.
7. Bake until golden brown & flesh begins to flake, around 9-12 minutes.

Southwest Chicken Salad & Honey Lime Shrimp

Here are the recipes for a couple of the healthy meals I made this week!

Southwest Chicken Salad

2 big handfuls – garden salad mix
2 tbs. – canned black beans, drained and rinsed
2 tbs. – canned corn, drained
1 tbs. – cheddar cheese
1/4 cup – grilled chicken, chopped into bite size pieces
1 tbs. – Salad Toppins, Southwest (McCormick)
4 tbs. – Southwest Chipotle Dressing (Hidden Valley)
A sprinkle – Tortilla Strips, Santa Fe Style (Fresh Gourmet)

This is how much I used of everything, obviously you can change it and use as much as you like for each.
Calories: 247

Honey Lime Shrimp

You can find the recipe I used here: http://lyndikay.blogspot.com/2013/04/honey-lime-shrimp.html

I changed a few ingredients I didn’t have (garlic) to things I had on hand (garlic powder) but I think it would’ve been better had I used the exact recipe.

More recipes to come!!

Eleven Days And Counting

Weekly weigh in day was yesterday, but I was busy with doctor’s appointments and rowdy children. So, here it is…. This week was better than last. I lost 3.5 lbs.! I’ve gotten better at managing my food intake. I found this great dressing and made a Southwest Chicken Salad and My husband and I liked it so much, we had it 3 days in a row! I also made some Honey Lime Shrimp with rice and corn. And just now I finished eating a spinach and cheese omelet and a berry smoothie. Eating healthy rocks because I’m already feeling so much better! I also went out last night and bought some new workout shoes and walked on the treadmill for about 20 min. I’m excited to break them in some more! I recently talked to a friend of mine about some workout programs and after a lot of thinking and a lot of research, I’ve decided to start Insanity and Shakeology! My start date is June 3rd and I have a friend starting with me, so it’s great to have that extra support from each other. I highly recommend starting a workout program/schedule with a friend, even if they live 300 miles away like my friend does. Just make sure and choose the right friend. It wouldn’t help to start with someone who wasn’t very enthusiastic about it.

Other than that, I’ve realized a few new fitness and personal goals that I have for the year, and just wanted to jot down some old ones so I have them posted to keep me accountable. Here we go:
1. Complete A Round Of Insanity And Lose 50lbs.
2. Run My First 5k.
3. Clean And Organize My House.
4. Learn To Sew.
5. Start Making Handbags.
6. Learn To Speak French.
7. Learn To Tango.

Not a short order, I know, and I’m sure I’ll be adding more and more as time goes on. There’s so much that I want to do with my life. I’ve finally realized that I AM important and I DO matter. This past week has been very overwhelming as a stay at home mom and I keep thinking something that most moms probably wouldn’t admit. I wish my life was different. I don’t want to be a mom. Not right now. I want a do-over. More than anything, I wish that I could go back in time and re-do my life. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my family, more than anything, and if going back in time would mean I lost them, no way would I do it. But if I could have them, just later in life, I would. Since I’ve always been overweight, I’ve been bullied my whole life. I grew up just wanting someone to love me and to me that translated into marriage and children. Did I make this connection then? No. If I had, maybe I would’ve realized that I needed to figure out how to be the person I wanted to be, a person I loved and was proud of. I missed out on so many experiences. I wish I had dated. I mean, I was engaged by 16! I still would want to end up with my husband, but I wish I had experienced dating different guys. I wish I’d finished high school and gone to a great university and lived in the dorms. I wish I’d eventually had a great job/career and my own apartment. I wish I’d traveled and had some romantic fling in another country. Lol.

There’s so much I wish I’d done, but you know, there’s really no use thinking about it, is there? Maybe life would’ve been easier and I would’ve learned some important lessons sooner, but this is my life and as crazy as it is, I love it. I love my family and I can still enjoy my life and thrive within my family unit. Can I date around? No. Can I have my own place? Probably not. Lol. But I can enjoy my wonderful kids, I can go to school, I can have a career, I can travel, and I can do it all with the ones I adore by my side. It’s nowhere near perfect, but it’s MY crazy, hectic, amazing life.

Harder Than It Seems

Apparently, last week was a fluke. I think I must have been still losing weight from labor and giving birth, because I actually gained 6 pounds this week! That’s definitely a slap in the face. I think because I saw such a huge loss last week and I wasn’t even very strict with my food, I got comfortable and thought I’d be fine and continue to lose weight without really trying. It’s a lesson for me for sure. I don’t know why that made me feel so comfortable. I mean, I’ve been overweight my entire life and I just automatically think I can do this without trying very hard? I have over 100 lbs. to lose! What was I thinking exactly?? This disappointment has made me realize how important it is to really buckle down, work hard, and stick to it. I scheduled a consultation with a local trainer for June 5th, the day I can officially start working out. I also found a great boot camp that I’m hoping to start if I can find the time (and gas money) to drive the 30 minutes each way. If not, maybe I can start one of my own somehow? I don’t know. What I DO know is that I WILL do this and I will NOT give up!

A Bitter Sweet Mother’s Day

Today has been a long day, which is weird since I was able to sleep on and off until 2pm thanks to my husband. I have still not been able to catch up on my sleep. Even now I’m exhausted. Being a stay-at-home mom is seriously the hardest job in the world. It’s 24/7, it’s SO much work, and takes SO much patience. I don’t know how there are so many mothers out there who seem so sane because I am certainly being driven completely nuts. If it’s not one child crying, it’s the other, and my two year old has really been trying to test his limits lately. Apparently he thinks that if I’m taking care of the baby in any way, that means I won’t get up to put him on time out. Yeah. Wrong, Kiddo! So from experience, and not much even, I know that mothers are absolutely the greatest blessing in the world.

This Mother’s Day has been particularly hard on me. This time last year, I was still in shock after the loss of our 2nd baby, and that time is kind of a blur. This year, even after just giving birth to a healthy little boy, I’ve been thinking a lot about our Angel Baby. I miss him so much and wish I could hold him in my arms. It’s strange to think I should have three little ones to take care of right now. Our due date was July 1st last year so we should be planning his first birthday party right now. We’d have a 2 and a half year old, a 10 month old, and a newborn. And I think life is hectic now, right? I can’t even imagine. ….no, that’s not true. I can imagine it and there’s nothing else I’d rather have right now. It pains me to know that my living sons won’t grow up with their brother and that we aren’t raising him. Because of our loss, I try to hold my boys more and kiss them more and let them know that I love them more. I hope they know that I love them and I hope I never have to go through anything like this again. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it a second time. It’s a terrifying but real thought that I have almost daily. I try not to be so negative, but it’s hard. The sadness and fear that comes from the loss of a child is tremendous. My loss is still so fresh in my mind and heart that if I let myself truly think about the day they told us there was no heartbeat and the next day, when I delivered him, I literally break down in tears and sobs, like now. I miss my baby so much. It’s so unfair to think that there are women who deliver babies earlier in the pregnancy than I did and those babies, while they have their own set of medical issues, survive and thrive. Wow, this post was not meant to be so negative.

I am sad that I don’t get to raise my baby boy, but I do know that I will be with again him in Heaven. And I am extremely grateful for the children I have gotten to raise so far and hopefully will in the future. I have good days and bad, like everyone else. I just try and take life day by day.

I really just want to wish all mother’s a happy Mother’s Day, but especially those mothers who can’t hold their babies today, or haven’t been able to conceive at all. My heart goes out to all of you and just know that I am here for you all.

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Food is Fuel, And I Need All The Energy I Can Get

Not a ton to talk about this week: Our newest one is 2 weeks old today. He’s growing so fast already, I can’t believe how fast time goes. He’s wonderful, but I am just still completely exhausted 100% of the time, like falling asleep mid-meal, mid-diaper change, mid-everything. Lol. It’s quite an adjustment going from mother of one to mother of two. With one baby, I could sleep whenever he did. I was never overly tired. I actually got used to sleeping 5 minutes here and 15 minutes there pretty instantaneously. This time, not so much. I can never sleep, with having a 2-year-old who’s up all day and a newborn who’s up here and there at night. Ugh. I don’t know how women with cranky babies do it, let alone single mothers. Props to them!

Now, my weigh in: I’ve been doing fairly well with my healthy eating. It is definitely hard work for someone like me who’s been overweight my whole life and grew up on fast food and my mom’s unhealthy (but delicious) cooking. All week I’ve been thinking that I could definitely do better. The problem is, I don’t have many good recipes. I’ve decided to do a salad every day for lunch, but it’s gotten boring already. I’ll admit, I had a veggie sandwich and grapes instead a couple of times during the week. And I’ve been so tired lately, I’ve had no energy to cook a healthy dinner. I bought a ton of chicken and veggies for dinners, but haven’t cooked any of it yet. I’ve decided last-minute on cereal and fruit and I’ve actually skipped a few meals, not on purpose, but because I’m so busy taking care of these two munchkins! I got on the scale yesterday for my first weekly weigh-in thinking, maybe I will have lost a couple of pounds, but to my surprise, the scale showed I’ve lost 11! It must be all the nursing. I hear you lose a lot of calories that way. Anyway, I’m looking forward to being able to work out finally in 3 weeks and 6 days, yes, I’m counting down. My goal by then is to get a good routine going with my boys and get some good recipes that I don’t mind using over and over again. I just want something easy and steady right now when it comes to meals, nothing fancy, and it doesn’t have to be fun. I need to retrain my brain and my stomach to know that FOOD IS FUEL. Wish me luck to have an even better week this week!