Late Weigh In

Here it is. I’ve lost 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks, which isn’t tremendous, but I’m proud! Slow progress is still progress. I’m happy to at least see the number go down a little bit! So, as of today, I have gone from 311 lbs. down to 295 lbs. so my total loss so far is 16 lbs.!!

I feel great too. I am terribly sore from yesterday, but loving every minute of it. Being in pain or stiff from working out feels so much better than just generally feeling sick and lazy from doing nothing every day. I’m amazed at the transformation I’ve seen in myself already, and I’m not talking about the scale. Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I was bored and my first thought was not to reach for food! Instead, my instinct was to work out! It’s amazing what sticking to a healthy lifestyle can do in just 2.5 weeks. I can’t wait to see what I’ll be like in another year!

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I’d love to hear from you! Please tell me in the comments what changes you’ve seen in yourself since you started your journey or what changes you’re excited to see!

Exhaustion Has Set In

Boy, starting a really intense workout program like this after just having a baby 6 weeks ago is difficult. I was exhausted BEFORE I started exercising! I’m hoping what they say about how exercising gives you energy will kick in soon. I kind of need it with a newborn and 2 year old at home.

Anyway, today is day 8 of my 60 day program and I am glad to be done with my workout for the day. Today, in particular, was difficult for me. Just this one specific workout. It’s the same one from last week that made me doubt myself. It’s hard watching a workout video and seeing everyone do these moves that I just can’t do. Yet. And that is key. I can’t do the moves YET, but I will be able to before I know it. I try my best and that is all I can ask of myself. I worked my butt off on Saturday to try and modify less and I think I did a pretty good job. Amazing, really. I am already getting better and I’m even more flexible during the stretching already, just in 8 days! I can only imagine what I’ll be able to do in 52 more!

As difficult as this program is for me, and as much as I doubt myself sometimes, I know that working hard and pushing through the pain is making me stronger, not only physically but mentally as well. This is the first time in my life that I will accomplish something. Even if I don’t lose any weight during this whole program I will know that I completed it and I tried every single day to better myself. It’s not really about the number on the scale for me. It’s about the way that I feel about my body and about myself. I am already so proud of myself for sticking to this!

Now, I know it’s weigh in day, but I’m honestly not sure what to put this time around. I’m still working on getting my food intake right so I’m not sure if the scale is right. The scale I had gives me a few different results every time, so I bought a new one, thinking it would be more accurate. Well, it says I’ve gained weight, but I don’t think I’ve really gained weight because I’ve been working my butt off. I think my old scale was just wrong, so I’ve decided to continue with the weigh-ins starting next Monday. I hope you all understand!

Here’s to another great week!

Keeping Myself Accountable

I’ve realized that, as embarrassed as I am, I feel like I should post some before pictures, my weight (which I have said before) and my measurements to keep me accountable. Okay, I’m more than embarrassed, I’m terrified. Ugh.¬†Here goes.

Starting:
Weight – 297
Pant Size – 24
Shirt Size – 3x
Waist – 51
Hips – 54
Chest – 47
Arms – 15
Thighs – 30

Body Mass Index – 40.3
Body Fat – 58%

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Overall Goals:
Weight – 175
Pant Size – 12
Shirt Size – Large
Waist – 32
Hips – 38
Chest – 36
Arms – 11
Thighs – 23

Body Mass Index – 22.5
Body Fat – 28%

Some of my overall goals on the measurements are more just educated guesses. The most important things I want to change are my weight, my BMI, and my body fat percentage. I want to be in a healthy range for all of them. I’m hoping to get down to at least a size 12, which is a large. I can’t even imagine being a size that doesn’t have an X in it! I can however¬†imagine doing a ton of shopping in whatever store I wanted to go into. That’ll be REALLY fun. I posted recently about a reward for reaching one of my goals. I’m going to do that often, just to make it more fun. My reward for reaching these overall goals, the three main ones, is a shopping spree for new clothes! I’m going to need it after losing 100+ lbs. That’s a reason to work out right there; new clothes! That’s incentive enough!! =D

New Weigh In Day!

Now that I’ve started Insanity and today is my first day, I am changing my weigh in day from Wednesdays to Mondays. So today, before my first workout, I weighed 297. That means I lost 2 more pounds since Wednesday! This past week has been really hectic and as much as I wanted to get on a strict sleep schedule, I just couldn’t. I’m still holding out hope that I can start going to bed earlier and waking up earlier so I can do my workouts before my kids wake up. Today, I was able to squeeze it in while the baby was napping and my big kid was playing in his room. So the workout today was the fit test to track where our fitness level is with each exercise. I have to say, I did not do very well. I was so pumped to start this morning and once I started the warm up, I had to stop after the first 3 minutes. And I cried a few times during the test because I couldn’t do the moves. I couldn’t believe that I had let myself get so overweight and unhealthy.

I am really out of shape, but that’s why I’m doing this. This is my starting point. I’m just going to get better and stronger from here. My next fit test is in 2 weeks, so we’ll see how I do then. My goal from this round of Insanity, along with doing some different challenge workouts and jogging on the treadmill, is to lose 30 lbs. I believe I can do it, 100%. If I complete my goal and get down to 267 by the end of this program, I’m going to reward myself with a relaxing mani-pedi! Yay! Wish me luck!!

Topic Of The Day: That Beautiful Thing Called Sleep

I have been having such a hard time sleeping since my second son was born five and a half weeks ago. I feel like a zombie! No matter how much sleep I get, whether it’s 3 hours or 12, yes it’s happened thanks to my husband, I am just walking around here half asleep. So, I decided that if I’m going to be starting this new program, that the best time to do it, to make sure I get it in every single day, would be before everyone wakes up. (What was I thinking??) So since Monday, I’ve been trying my best to go to bed at 10am and wake up at 5am. Have I had any luck? Well…. Some. Monday, I did awful. Darn Netflix! Maybe it was a bad idea to start this when I was at the very end of a tv series. See, I was all set to shut off the tv when the episode was over (with 3 more left) but then something crazy shocking happened and I started bawling, (I’m a very emotional person, lol) and I just couldn’t stop watching! I finished the rest of the series that night.

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I think it was close to midnight when my head finally hit the pillow, when my newborn woke up and wanted to eat. By the time I finally got him changed, fed, and back to sleep, it was around 2am and I was wide awake. (Insomnia, anyone?) I decided it would be best to stay up until 5am and get up and start my day like I had originally planned. Then by 10pm that night, I was sure to be exhausted and it would be no problem going to sleep, right. Not. I’ve been trying my best the rest of this week to wake up, do some yoga in place of Insanity, just to warm up a little, and get the rest of my day started. But, I’m not much of a morning person. I’ll get there. Fingers crossed, anyway.

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Eleven Days And Counting

Weekly weigh in day was yesterday, but I was busy with doctor’s appointments and rowdy children. So, here it is…. This week was better than last. I lost 3.5 lbs.! I’ve gotten better at managing my food intake. I found this great dressing and made a Southwest Chicken Salad and My husband and I liked it so much, we had it 3 days in a row! I also made some Honey Lime Shrimp with rice and corn. And just now I finished eating a spinach and cheese omelet and a berry smoothie. Eating healthy rocks because I’m already feeling so much better! I also went out last night and bought some new workout shoes and walked on the treadmill for about 20 min. I’m excited to break them in some more! I recently talked to a friend of mine about some workout programs and after a lot of thinking and a lot of research, I’ve decided to start Insanity and Shakeology! My start date is June 3rd and I have a friend starting with me, so it’s great to have that extra support from each other. I highly recommend starting a workout program/schedule with a friend, even if they live 300 miles away like my friend does. Just make sure and choose the right friend. It wouldn’t help to start with someone who wasn’t very enthusiastic about it.

Other than that, I’ve realized a few new fitness and personal goals that I have for the year, and just wanted to jot down some old ones so I have them posted to keep me accountable. Here we go:
1. Complete A Round Of Insanity And Lose 50lbs.
2. Run My First 5k.
3. Clean And Organize My House.
4. Learn To Sew.
5. Start Making Handbags.
6. Learn To Speak French.
7. Learn To Tango.

Not a short order, I know, and I’m sure I’ll be adding more and more as time goes on. There’s so much that I want to do with my life. I’ve finally realized that I AM important and I DO matter. This past week has been very overwhelming as a stay at home mom and I keep thinking something that most moms probably wouldn’t admit. I wish my life was different. I don’t want to be a mom. Not right now. I want a do-over. More than anything, I wish that I could go back in time and re-do my life. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my family, more than anything, and if going back in time would mean I lost them, no way would I do it. But if I could have them, just later in life, I would. Since I’ve always been overweight, I’ve been bullied my whole life. I grew up just wanting someone to love me and to me that translated into marriage and children. Did I make this connection then? No. If I had, maybe I would’ve realized that I needed to figure out how to be the person I wanted to be, a person I loved and was proud of. I missed out on so many experiences. I wish I had dated. I mean, I was engaged by 16! I still would want to end up with my husband, but I wish I had experienced dating different guys. I wish I’d finished high school and gone to a great university and lived in the dorms. I wish I’d eventually had a great job/career and my own apartment. I wish I’d traveled and had some romantic fling in another country. Lol.

There’s so much I wish I’d done, but you know, there’s really no use thinking about it, is there? Maybe life would’ve been easier and I would’ve learned some important lessons sooner, but this is my life and as crazy as it is, I love it. I love my family and I can still enjoy my life and thrive within my family unit. Can I date around? No. Can I have my own place? Probably not. Lol. But I can enjoy my wonderful kids, I can go to school, I can have a career, I can travel, and I can do it all with the ones I adore by my side. It’s nowhere near perfect, but it’s MY crazy, hectic, amazing life.

A Bitter Sweet Mother’s Day

Today has been a long day, which is weird since I was able to sleep on and off until 2pm thanks to my husband. I have still not been able to catch up on my sleep. Even now I’m exhausted. Being a stay-at-home mom is seriously the hardest job in the world. It’s 24/7, it’s SO much work, and takes SO much patience. I don’t know how there are so many mothers out there who seem so sane because I am certainly being driven completely nuts. If it’s not one child crying, it’s the other, and my two year old has really been trying to test his limits lately. Apparently he thinks that if I’m taking care of the baby in any way, that means I won’t get up to put him on time out. Yeah. Wrong, Kiddo! So from experience, and not much even, I know that mothers are absolutely the greatest blessing in the world.

This Mother’s Day has been particularly hard on me. This time last year, I was still in shock after the loss of our 2nd baby, and that time is kind of a blur. This year, even after just giving birth to a healthy little boy, I’ve been thinking a lot about our Angel Baby. I miss him so much and wish I could hold him in my arms. It’s strange to think I should have three little ones to take care of right now. Our due date was July 1st last year so we should be planning his first birthday party right now. We’d have a 2 and a half year old, a 10 month old, and a newborn. And I think life is hectic now, right? I can’t even imagine. ….no, that’s not true. I can imagine it and there’s nothing else I’d rather have right now. It pains me to know that my living sons won’t grow up with their brother and that we aren’t raising him. Because of our loss, I try to hold my boys more and kiss them more and let them know that I love them more. I hope they know that I love them and I hope I never have to go through anything like this again. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it a second time. It’s a terrifying but real thought that I have almost daily. I try not to be so negative, but it’s hard. The sadness and fear that comes from the loss of a child is tremendous. My loss is still so fresh in my mind and heart that if I let myself truly think about the day they told us there was no heartbeat and the next day, when I delivered him, I literally break down in tears and sobs, like now. I miss my baby so much. It’s so unfair to think that there are women who deliver babies earlier in the pregnancy than I did and those babies, while they have their own set of medical issues, survive and thrive. Wow, this post was not meant to be so negative.

I am sad that I don’t get to raise my baby boy, but I do know that I will be with again him in Heaven. And I am extremely grateful for the children I have gotten to raise so far and hopefully will in the future. I have good days and bad, like everyone else. I just try and take life day by day.

I really just want to wish all mother’s a happy Mother’s Day, but especially those mothers who can’t hold their babies today, or haven’t been able to conceive at all. My heart goes out to all of you and just know that I am here for you all.

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