We Are Warriors!

I may have a lot to work for but also a lot to be proud of. I am now on day 39 of Insanity. Wow. I’ve never kept up a workout for this long before! I love the workouts, I really do. I hate them because they hurt, but they hurt so good. I can feel myself getting stronger. I love it. It’s such an amazing feeling. I’m still really overweight, but I feel stronger. I can feel my muscles working now. Who knew I even had muscles underneath all this fat. I know there are abs in there somewhere because they hurt. Lol. I am feeling really sore all over again after having an almost non-existent workout week last week. I hurt all over. Yesterday was a lot of squats and leg work so it hurts to sit down and stand up. But I’m still loving it. I am seeing a difference in my performance and it just tells me that I will reach my goal and I will be able to do all the moves that they do in the video. Eventually.

blog111Another thing I love about Insanity? The trainer. Shaun T is AMAZING! He really kicks my butt every day. Those moments where he gets in your face and says, “Push. Keep Going. You got this. Dig deeper!” I really do kick it into high gear and bust it out as best I can! Don’t get me wrong, most of the workout, especially the moves I can’t do and now that I’m in month 2, I hate him. I curse at him through the screen. But when I’m done, after I’ve realized I can do it (or at least I’ll be able to soon) I LOVE him. He is so incredibly motivating!

This program might not be right for everyone, but it’s definitely right for me. It’ just what I need to get me to where I want to be; 50 lbs. lighter by Oct. 7th. That’s my goal date. By then, I will have finished 2 rounds of Insanity. I plan to be a size 18 pants and XL shirt. I think I was 15 the last time I fit into 18s. I have a goal outfit I need to buy to make it official, but that’s the goal! I know if I push myself that I CAN do it.

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So can you. You’ve got this! If you commit and stick with it, day in and day out, there’s no way you’ll ever fail! There are always bumps in the road. There are always setbacks. But the only way you fail is by giving up. Don’t give up! I can do it. You can do it. We can do this together! I am here to support you and hopefully motivate and inspire you to keep going! You are a strong! You are a WARRIOR!!

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Another Week, Another Weigh-In

Well, this week has been a tough one. Visiting family while trying to eat right is hard. We went to visit my in-laws and ended up going to a block party with tons of food. I found some healthy things, but as my husband sat down next to me with a plate full of stuffed jalapenos, cookies, and cake, I found myself eating a few bites from his plate! Fail. We went straight from the party back to their house and ate dinner. (I did not need to eat any more.) We had to eat fast so I scarfed down a veggie burger, a baked potato, carrots, corn on the cob, and some potato salad. WHAT?! Right after I finished my plate, I was completely disappointed with myself. I just had to keep telling myself that it was only one meal (one BIG meal) and that the next day would be better. Also, I got 2 hours of cardio in the pool that day so that helped a little as well. We were supposed to leave the next morning but there was a change of plans and we stayed for another day and a half. And no, I didn’t bring Insanity with me. We went to the beach the next morning and I got an amazing workout in the ocean (trying not to get pulled in, lol) and on the shore, chasing my dog around with my son. It was a exhausting but such a blast! And I ate as well as I could with what I had. The real problem is that when I’m out and about or hanging out with people, I forget to eat! Ugh. Lessons learned I hope.

Which brings me to the weigh-in. Yeah, not so good this week. I screwed up with food and my workouts this week and ended up gaining 3 lbs. Yep, I’m back up to 290 lbs. I’m so ashamed. I know that I have people who are looking to me to inspire them and motivate them and I feel like I’ve let all of you down this week. I’m sorry to you and to myself for doing this again.

This is a daily struggle. I have an addiction to food. It’s real. And it’s hard to get past it. It’s the same as having any other kind of addiction; alcohol, drugs, etc. To me, an eating addiction is worse. You can rid your house of alcohol and drugs, but we all have to eat. My addiction stares me in the face every day. I keep wondering when I’ll stop having these setbacks. Every time I mess up I feel guilty, ashamed, and disappointed. All I want to do is curl into a little ball and cry. But I found something on facebook that my coach posted and it made me feel so much better so I’d love to share it with you.

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But, since I’m halfway through Insanity (only 4 weeks left!) and I’ve seen some changes other than on the scale, I thought I’d post some more during pictures. These are my 30 day results with Insanity:

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Weight – 290 (7 lbs. down)

Pant Size – 22 (down 2 pant sizes)

Shirt Size – 2x (down 1 shirt size)

Waist – 50 (down 1 inch)

Hips – 52 (down 2 inches)

Chest – 45 (down 2 inches)

Arms – 14.5 (down .5 inch)

Thighs – 29 (down 1 inch)

Body Mass Index – 49.3 (down 1 point)

Body Fat – 57% (down 1%)

And there you have it. Progress! I have 4 weeks left until Insanity, which means to meat my original goal for the program, I need to lose another 23 lbs. which seems crazy! I also joine another challenge group. This one is 90 days so finishing this round of Insanity and finishing another round as well. My goal for that is to lose 40 lbs., fit into a size 18 pants and an XL shirt. Wish me luck??

Weigh-In – Two Months In!

I weighed myself this morning about 5 times because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! I even had my husband come make sure I wasn’t going crazy. It says I weigh 287! That means I’ve lost 5 lbs. this week! It also mean I’ve lost 10 lbs. in the last 4 weeks, since I started Insanity, and 24 lbs. in the last 2 months! I am truly in shock right now!

This week hasn’t been he best, either so I’m surprised. I usually don’t see results for a week, so these are the results from all my hard work last week. I am not expecting a big number next weigh-in because this week has been really hard. I haven’t worked out since last Monday because I was sick all week. Maybe TMI, but it’s that time of the month and I’ve always had horrible cramps. And all I was to eat is soup, grilled cheese, and brownies. Lol. I had about 1 of each all week so I’m proud of that. I was so tempted to just give up on healthy eating all week. The only real exercise I got in was about a 1.5 mile hike with my hubby and kids yesterday. I was holding my 2 month old in his carrier half the time so that was an extra 17 lbs. or so. We were supposed to do the whole 5 mile hike, but we got lost on the way and it was going to get dark soon. No way was I dong that hike with drops on the sides of the trail with my kids at night! Maybe we’ll try it again next Sunday.

I had a few days when I was so discouraged because I wasn’t working out, too. Not only was I hurting, but I also get depressed sometimes so I was battling that this week too. I’m sure I could’ve pushed through and worked out a few times at least, but I just couldn’t get my body to get off the couch like my mind wanted it to. Oh well. That’s in the past now. I will have to try and find some healthier recipes for my TOM cravings next month and find some easier workouts if it comes to that. But that’s all I’m going to say about it. No dwelling on my little mistakes or setbacks. I know better for this week and am excited to get back on track!

Actually, I plan on coming back with a vengeance! My plan this month is to not only conquer Insanity but also to complete this July challenge from https://www.facebook.com/4fitmommas. Who’s with me??

JulyChallengeHere’s to turning my setback into a comeback!! =D

Late Weigh-In Part 2

Apparently Mondays have been busy because I keep forgetting about my weigh-in! Tuesday comes around and all of a sudden I realize, “Crap! I forgot to weigh in yesterday!” So, this last week has been a kind of difficult for me because, as you know, I was away from home visiting family. I promised myself I wouldn’t eat junk. I brought my own food for the week and everything. But, I messed up. I had a burrito one night at my Mom’s house. And the next morning I had a fatty breakfast. (I even ate out once!) My eating schedule was off a little too. I kept forgetting to eat! I guess being away from home made me not realize the time too. And I missed a couple workouts in a row again because I was sick. Again. Sigh.

121Even last night I was hurting (because of a fat girl problem I won’t go into) but I pushed through 2 workouts, only doing the moves I could do at the time which was half. So, I basically did 1 full workout. Not what I wanted. I was actually pretty mad about the fact that I couldn’t push myself as hard as I knew I could. But I did my best, none the less.

My first 2 weeks of Insanity I only lost 2 pounds and I was getting a little discouraged. Those pictures last week definitely helped motivate me a little more. I just got off the scale and I am at 292 lbs. which means I’m down another 3 lbs.! I can’t believe it! I’ve lost 5 lbs. since I started Insanity 3 weeks ago and 19 lbs. altogether since May 1st!! I’m so happy to finally see a big change on the scale. Huge sigh of relief. I am on my way to getting fit and healthy and I love myself for it!

Even with my little setbacks, I am completely ADDICTED to these workouts. I LOVE the feeling of sweat dripping off my face. A little weird, I know, but it makes me feel so accomplished! I have never worked so hard in my life. I feel so powerful after too, like I can do anything. How does working out make YOU feel?

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Update: 19 Days In

Yes, two blog posts in one day!

I am 19 days into Insanity and my mostly clean eating. I say mostly because I am visiting my mom and I did slip and have one of her burritos. And maybe a few sodas. Tsk, tsk. I know. But, I’m not going ot beat myself up about it. I am still doing better than I ever have on a diet/program before and I am proud of that. I’m also proud that I didn’t decide to quit just because I messed up a little, like I would’ve done in the past. This is a new, better life!

So, I haven’t lost as much as I thought I would yet and I’ve been really trying to continue to stay positive. Pinterest helps. I have an amazing Health and Fitness board that really inspires me. I’m also in a few groups on facebook, some full of people doing Beachbody Programs, others full of people who need to lose over 100 lbs. like me. They are a life-saver. And my Beachbody coach is amazing. I can call or text her anytime and she always lifts my spirits. Anyway, today I was having an especially hard time staying positive and decided to take some new pictures to see if I can see any physical changes and well, here they are:

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Maybe I’m crazy but I think I’ve lost weight in my stomach for sure and maybe some in my arms. My husband keeps telling me my face looks thinner too, but I don’t know. Anyway, it is so exciting to see this program and this process working! I am loving the workouts, the healthy eating, and the results. 19 days in, and only 10 days until recovery week. I’ll post more pictures then!!

Topic Of The Day: The Dreaded Scale

I am now 12 days into this program, this new lifestyle, and I’m dying. Lol. I feel more healthy, but definitely haven’t gotten that extra energy yet. I’m always tired. And always sore. Last night, I did my workout for the first time with my husband. Well, kind of. He sort of stopped during the warm-up. Sure, he has some hip issues from the Army, but he’s in pretty good shape so it made me feel darn good that I lasted longer than him. It was a nice little boost for me since I’ve been feeling kind of down lately. Truth: I haven’t lost any weight. That darn scale won’t move! But I should always remember:

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I’m in some support groups on Facebook and was wondering how everyone else did just starting out. Some said that some people just don’t lose weight at first. Some people even gain. Someone said you’re losing weight and gaining muscle at the same rate so it doesn’t register on the scale. They said to take pictures and measure myself again. I’ve actually noticed recently that when I do pushups, my stomach hangs down a little less than it used to. I just thought I was being paranoid, though. I measured again and realized that I lost 2 inches in waist already! And 1 inch in my hips and arms. This is amazing! It really isn’t all about the scale. I realize that a little more now. I will still do my weekly weigh ins, but I’m not going to let it get me down anymore if it doesn’t say a big number. I’m feeling so much better about myself and I’m going to focus on that from now on.

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I have noticed some changes in my body and what it can do, just in these last 12 days. I have been horribly ore, today mostly in my back and calves, but because of all the workouts and stretching, I have become more flexible. On day 1, I could only bend down with my legs straight and touch the floor with my fingertips. Today, I can just about put my palms on the floor. I’ve also been modifying a lot less. I’m able to do so much more with my body than I was 12 days ago. I can’t wait until I’m not modifying at all. Some friends of mine started this program the same day as me and they have all been able to get through the whole warm up without stopping. I’m not there yet, but I know I WILL get there. I can certainly last longer without stopping than on day 1 and I’m o proud of myself for that.  I definitely have to start celebrating those non-scale victories.

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Another thing I think we should all do, is stop comparing ourselves to others! I know I do it. I sit here saying, She can do this and I can’t, etc. but she’ not in the same place as me. She could have started where I am, months or years ago, but I’m sure she couldn’t do what she’s doing now when she started. We all start at different levels, but we can get to where we want to be if we work for it!

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Exhaustion Has Set In

Boy, starting a really intense workout program like this after just having a baby 6 weeks ago is difficult. I was exhausted BEFORE I started exercising! I’m hoping what they say about how exercising gives you energy will kick in soon. I kind of need it with a newborn and 2 year old at home.

Anyway, today is day 8 of my 60 day program and I am glad to be done with my workout for the day. Today, in particular, was difficult for me. Just this one specific workout. It’s the same one from last week that made me doubt myself. It’s hard watching a workout video and seeing everyone do these moves that I just can’t do. Yet. And that is key. I can’t do the moves YET, but I will be able to before I know it. I try my best and that is all I can ask of myself. I worked my butt off on Saturday to try and modify less and I think I did a pretty good job. Amazing, really. I am already getting better and I’m even more flexible during the stretching already, just in 8 days! I can only imagine what I’ll be able to do in 52 more!

As difficult as this program is for me, and as much as I doubt myself sometimes, I know that working hard and pushing through the pain is making me stronger, not only physically but mentally as well. This is the first time in my life that I will accomplish something. Even if I don’t lose any weight during this whole program I will know that I completed it and I tried every single day to better myself. It’s not really about the number on the scale for me. It’s about the way that I feel about my body and about myself. I am already so proud of myself for sticking to this!

Now, I know it’s weigh in day, but I’m honestly not sure what to put this time around. I’m still working on getting my food intake right so I’m not sure if the scale is right. The scale I had gives me a few different results every time, so I bought a new one, thinking it would be more accurate. Well, it says I’ve gained weight, but I don’t think I’ve really gained weight because I’ve been working my butt off. I think my old scale was just wrong, so I’ve decided to continue with the weigh-ins starting next Monday. I hope you all understand!

Here’s to another great week!